I never had my girl band. All the way through school and University, I was an angry soul, I disagreed with everyone and everything, I was pretty horrible to be honest. Thats where I think this all started.
Now as an adult, I’m 27 and I thought things were going a little smoother than they did when i was 17; like driving down a beautiful country road and hitting a massive pot hole every now and then. But turns out… mental health doesn’t just disappear or go away and you don’t grow out of it like I did my asthma… I just very recently had a total breakdown over LITERALLY nothing.
I have bypassed the last 2 months and just thought I was fiiiiiine. You know, like Ross… he was Fiiiiine. (who doesn’t love a wee bit of Friends?) But really in my heart of hearts I wasn’t. Not even a pitcher of Margaritas could sort this mess out!
My little brain had been over compensating for a little while and I never realised it because I was hell bent on ensuring I was fine. Does that make sense? The last couple days I have noticed a few things about myself that were not exactly… “normal” for me.
I felt like a shell of myself. Numb… like a zombie. I didn’t feel anything, not happy, not sad, not angry… just nothing. I didn’t smile, laugh or cry… until it all came crashing down and the tears were non stop. Work has been a stress and I feel like i’m that person who doesn’t fit in anywhere I work… but I’ve been trying to get over that by just going for it… after all…. what have I got to lose? My sanity maybe… but I just knew that it wasn’t me and there was something not right.
I went to see my GP and we discussed the usual mental health chat that I am sure many of you have done before. We talked medication and I decided that I needed to talk to someone as well as change up medication. So that is where I currently am in this never ending journey. I have an upcoming appointment, I have upped my medication and I am trying some home remedies.
I guess that this little moan and gripe about mental health was just to let you know that I am here should anyone every want to talk about it. I talk to my now girl band all the time about feelings, motivation, I cry to them and they hug me and help me sort it out. There is always a girl band. Just reach out.
Love Rachel xx