At the start of this magical albeit slightly scary journey I was feeling that thee month hangover, now that I am almost 22 weeks we are well and truly in the second trimester. I guess when people tell you that the second trimester is better and you will feel like you get your energy back that they must be speaking from experience because man alive were they right. I feel like I would normally with the exception of getting out of breath super easily and bending over makes me feel like my head is going to pop off.
Although everyone talks about this being the most magical time of your life and that it just absolutely must be the happiest you have ever felt… it isn’t always true. Every single mama and every single pregnancy out there will be different from each other. I personally have experienced the highs that people expect however the lows are much more prominent for me. Now don’t get me wrong, I simply cannot wait until she arrives and I am counting down the days; 127 to be exact (until her due date anyways) however the anxiety, the worry and the down days are only to common for me (due to other factors as well) but they are really effecting my pregnancy “happiness”.
Im pretty sure that some people might think that I am ungrateful about this little baby girl coming along due to moaning or not smiling all the time however, when there are anxieties and mental health problems in the way the mind can wonder into a downward spiral which is really difficult to find your way out of. I guess I am just writing this as a kind of diary or a personal account of how my first pregnancy is going. At the same time I want people out there to recognise that it is a really difficult time in a woman’s life journey and it is ok not to be ok at times. I have cried more in the last 5 months than ever in my life. And I am not talking about welling up at a sad movie or over being angry at a horrible co worker but whole heartedly crying so hard that breathing is difficult and a panic attack is around the corner.
Besides the tears and the bloating that appears daily I have grown to love my bump. I haven’t ever been confident within myself and certainly not with my appearance HOWEVER, I am taking it slowly and realising more day by day just how amazing the human body is. The little girl in my belly has limbs, eyes, ears and naps throughout the day and night like no ones business and has started jumping around little a little kick boxer and I absolutely love every little pop that I feel. Simply cannot wait for the next part of the journey (Minus the sore back of course).
So just to tie up this little blog post, we all have our struggles and they are a little more heightening during pregnancy. Just know you are not alone and… mamas to be out there… reach out. It helps.
Mama V xx